I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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