Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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