It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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