1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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