He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
3 2 1 whiskey
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
