Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize