I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize