You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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