I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
