I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
