Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
