So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
