i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
