I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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