Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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