textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
