my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
