Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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