Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
