I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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