all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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