I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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