yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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