his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
