he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
