if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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