can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
