just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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