i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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