I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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