my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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