I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
