i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
