During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
