yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
