So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
