So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
