I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Farmville is her only friend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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