You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize