your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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