Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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