Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize