Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
