remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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