lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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