Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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