alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im part way to drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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