i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
