Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
