This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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