i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
