I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
