Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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