"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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