i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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