I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
