he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
