Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
