The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
