Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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