I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
