And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
