my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We got so high we made milksteak
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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