I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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