Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
