after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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