matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
